Welcome to our series of articles on the singles scene in Tel Aviv. Life, love, and lust, all wrapped up in a Middle Eastern glow and penned by the wonderful Pixi…if you’re easily offended, look away now!
Find me a fuck buddy (Perfecting the art of casual sex in Tel Aviv)
There is a word that floats through the streets of Tel Aviv, sweeping through every bar, every bedroom and every café conversation. It is a central word in the vocabulary of youth and holds more meaning than any other word in the modern Hebrew dictionary. The word is Yeziz (Yeziza for females).
The online dictionary translates this word as “to move something” or “to make something happen”. The actual meaning couldn’t be further from this translation. Nothing happens with yezizim and nothing moves forward. In fact, the word yeziz is Israel’s answer to the Fuck Buddy – true fuck buddies are not meant to move anywhere except for in the bedroom.
Fuck buddies in Tel Aviv are just as necessary as having an ID number. You are not classified as an Israeli citizen without one and in this city, where loneliness can overcome anyone, having a fuck buddy is simply part of the culture. The question is not how to find a fuck buddy, but how to maintain this delightful arrangement without falling down the inevitable rabbit hole of emotional attachment. It seems to be easier for men than for women. But sexual stereotypes aside, I am a true believer that anyone can have a successful yeziz or yeziza without any strings attached.
The Israelis have an incredible talent for intimacy. The most distant of friendships can grow into sexual tension after just a few vodka chasers. But with intimacy comes questions, judgements and conclusions. I believe that casual sex needs none of this. In fact it can thrive quite happily without any dialogue before, during or after. Having been down the yeziz road many times before and, having heard countless stories about the casual flings of others, I can safely say that casual sex is a beautiful thing – that is, if both parties who enter the agreement know what they are in for.
Make no mistake, there will be no pancakes or morning cuddles, no talk of “where this is all going” and no need for over-thinking. The one amazing thing that can come from a fuck buddy is the ‘buddy’ itself. Some of the best friendships I have here were born out of steamy drunken nights and awkward morning afters.
The bottom line is that you need some kind of connection with an ongoing fuck buddy. There is a big difference between a one night stand and a fuck buddy. The former is far more sleazy with no room for morality. Casual sex involves much more – just without the expectations. The best part about it is that the sex never fades because this is the basis of your connection in the first place!
Casual sex is like junk food. Some people indulge in it for the wrong reasons and they end up paying the price. If you know how to enjoy it without viewing it as ‘’unhealthy’’ you will be able to engage in successful casual sex as often as you wish without feeling like shit after.
It’s not the context in which you have sex, nor is it the variety of positions in between. It is who you choose as your yeziz that matters most. A large amount of unsuccessful yezizim stories result from people who simply choose the wrong yeziz. If you cannot laugh together, enjoy embarrassing moments together, or feel comfortable in each other’s presence, it simply won’t work.
Recently I have observed some beautiful yezizing around town that involves some powerful connections between people. Speaking for myself, I believe these connections are far more exciting than the notorious dating machine where rules and manners get in the way of a good shag!
Next up: Israeli women