Loving and Lusting in Tel Aviv: Real Men are… Kibbutznikim

Welcome to our series of articles on the singles scene in Tel Aviv. Life, love, and lust, all wrapped up in a Middle Eastern glow and penned by the wonderful Pixi…if you’re easily offended, look away now!

Real Israeli Men = Kibbutznikim

It is a well known fact in this city that if you are looking for a decent male who will treat you well, you should look anywhere but the city. As a result, many women turn to what I have coined “the tractor fantasy” – a desperate attempt to escape the mundane and superficial dating scene of Tel Aviv in search of something raw and meaningful.

The idea of the Kibbutznik is deeply engrained in Israeli culture, from the vintage cult films of the 70s to the modern version of the kibbutz poster boy, the appeal of the rural sex object remains stronger than ever. But what happens when we attempt to replace fantasy with reality?

As exciting as the ‘tractor fantasy’ may seem, you can be sure that when you get a kibbutznik, you get the whole package – by that I mean the entire kibbutz and all the social complications that come with it.

Of course, every kibbutz is different, but they all carry the same ideology……and I am not talking about socialism.

Below is a list of everything you need to know about your man and his kibbutz – a rough guide for those of you entering the world of the kibbutz for the first time.

K – Kinky. When you are in nature, the sky’s the limit when it comes to experimental sexual experiences that bring you ‘closer to the land’. My personal favorites are the tractor, the horse stables, showers in the chicken house and any pile of hay you can find.

I – Incestuous. You may be thinking that the way kibbutzniks interact with their own kind is a little strange. This is because they have been living up each other’s ass since they were children. Us outsiders know little about what goes on in a kibbutz behind closed doors and perhaps it’s better that way.

B – Bravery. This is a shout out to any girl who has endured those first awkward visits on a man’s kibbutz. Entering any kibbutz for the first time is like entering an episode of ‘Survivor’ where alliances need to be made in the risk of being voted off the island.

B –  Bad behavior.  Any outsider will notice a pattern of rudely behaved kibbutzniks who not only seem completely disinterested in you, but often have incredibly weird ways of conducting themselves socially. Don’t take it personally but don’t go out of your way to impress them either. Their insular attitudes are simply a product of where they grew up.

U – Untapped resource. The kibbutznik phenomenon remains largely undiscussed in Tel Aviv. Little do people know about the potential of kibbutznikim to be great lovers. Its just a shame that they don’t receive as much good publicity as lawyers with nice cars.

T – Table. The Cheder Ochel (dining room) of the kibbutz is the hub of all action and gossip. This is why it is fundamental that you strategically choose your table so it is positioned in an area that will generate the least stares and whispering from fellow diners. I recommend sitting with the young people of the kibbutz who are still open to new people.

Z – Zionist dream. While the original elements of Zionism have disintegrated with modern times, that doesn’t mean you can’t create your own pioneering experience of conquering the kibbutz and all it has to offer. By finding yourself a gorgeous kibbutznik you are in fact fulfilling the original vision of the State of Israel.

Next up: Best places to find an Israeli lover

Read more great stuff from Pixi here.

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