I would like to be a father, but it may not be in the cards for me. I’m not in a relationship (not that it’s a prerequisite), I’m just getting started with my writing career and feel a lot of ambition for it, and I don’t have the financial means yet to support a child.
For a long time, I’ve had my heart set on being the Best Uncle in the World. And that wish came true for me in February 2008, the day my niece Alexa was born. She’s a darling and perfect and smart and beautiful – and all the other things new babies promise to be. (No offense to any of you – she really is cuter than all your babies).
Last year I spent a fair amount of time with her. We didn’t live in the same city, but close enough, and I would get down there about once every 1-2 months. I got to feed her bottles, change her diapers, play with her toys with her, bounce her on my knee, and fill up multiple hard drives taking pictures of her.
When I made aliyah to Israel in March, she had just turned one. She wasn’t walking or talking yet. Now, she’s doing both. *le sigh*
I think about all the attachment and bonding that happens when a child is very young. Now I may not be living exclusively in Israel forever (when I’m a rich and famous writer I’d like to own homes in New York and Tel Aviv, and do the snow-bird thing), so there are lots of opportunities still for me to take her to see “The Lion King” or “The Little Mermaid” on Broadway and for lunch afterwards. Her whole childhood, adolescence and adulthood still lay before us, untouched. But I worry that because I’m missing out on this primal bonding period, our connection later in life will be less intense, or I’ll have to really work overtime to get it to the level of closeness I want.
I try and take advantage of Skype to get inside her consciousness. Scheduling chat times with her parents or when my mother babysits can be a challenge, but we make them happen once a month. I bought some homemade, handwoven dolls from a little girl street vendor, and I put on little puppet shows for her. I have a really energetic personality, and even with her little baby attention span, I am able to capture her interest for quite a while without her getting restless. Her favorite doll is a little doggie I named “Foo Foo” that I make bark for her. She points and laughs, and I light up. My brother and sister-in-law have a Portuguese Water Dog, which resembles the doll, so I think she is responding to this.
One time I sang the Hokey Pokey for her and made her dance. But the absolute best was last week, when she was playing with props from her kitchen set. She was stirring something in a pot, and I asked her if I could have some. She held out her spoon to the monitor as if to feed me!!! And I did a big, over-animated swallow and gulp and mmmm’d for her. We did this over and over again, and it warmed my heart to be interacting with her one-on-one.
Still, though, the dolls aren’t holding her attention as long as I’d like. I think maybe the Hollywood execs are right: story is king. My next move is to invest in some children’s books and begin reading them to her over video Skype. Read her a page then hold up the pictures for her to look at. I think this will generate the effect I was after when I first conceived the little puppet shows.
What do you say, maybe it’s still possible for me to achieve Best Uncle Ever status???