70 signs you’ve spent too long in Israel!

In celebration of Israel’s upcoming 70th birthday, we’ve come up with a little list of signs that you’ve spent too long in Israel.

We originally wrote this list as a series of posts a while back, but have remixed and edited the list in honor of the old lady reaching the big 7-0.

Yes, just a little humor for those of you who have spent a little longer than a week’s holiday here in Israel, and who have in fact made Israel their home. And feel free to add any more to the list in the comments below!

In no particular order…

1 …you no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue “just to ask a question”.

2 …you either start supporting Brazil or wear a Messi shirt during a World Cup.

3 …you start advising your host how to cook his/her barbeque meat.

4 …open spaces make you nervous.

5 …you’re in a lift (elevator) and don’t even notice the guy yelling into his mobile phone.

6 …you know all the words (and moves) to “Toy”, Israel’s Eurovision 2018 song by Netta.

7 …you add “-ush” (pronounced “oosh”) to as many words as possible – Instagram becomes Instush, your friend Tal becomes Talush, and your dear friend becomes Mamush (regardless of their real name).

8 …you no longer gawp at petite army girls with huge M-16s strapped to their backs.

9 …someone says ‘snack’, you think: nuts OR watermelon.

10 …you can’t tell the difference between a Goldstar and a Tuborg.

11 …you forget what “please”, “thank you” and “excuse me” mean.

12 …you have an amusing army anecdote and weren’t even in the army.

13 …you know where the nearest bomb shelter is located – and that it will be probably locked if you ever need it.

14 …you think nothing about queuing to get into a coffee bar.

15 …your second sentence upon meeting someone is “How much did it cost?”

16 …you use HaShahar chocolate spread in copious amounts – in a pita.

17 …you queue for yeasty products once Pessach (Passover) breaks.

18 …you find state-employees helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.

19 …you start to enjoy shoddy service and make repeat visits to a place where you are repeatedly shafted.

20 …you wear flip flops to weddings.

21 …you no longer laugh at the name Guy Penis.

22 …you shout up from the street at a friend living on the fifth floor.

23 …matkot (beach tennis) is your main form of exercise.

24 …you talk wayyyy louder than is necessary.

25 …you feel the need to express yourself in a conversation with wild hand gestures.

26 …you use the “rega” hand sign (thumb meets fingers in upwards motion) at least twice a day.

27 …all tourists look the same to you.

28 …you hear Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ in August and don’t even flinch.

29 …your annual Christmas party is held on Friday night (who cares what day Christmas actually falls on…).

30 …you no longer bitch about paying 350 shekels or more for a concert by an “international” has-been.

31 …you think nothing of eating in the street, humus dribbling down your chin.

32 …you can’t put a proper sentence together in your native language.

33 …you aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software.

34 …a PhD in Nuclear Physics fluent in 4 languages is sweeping the streets outside your house for a pittance but he is from the Ukraine so it’s all right.

35 …you use the word “Nu” at least 10 times when listening to a friend’s story.

36 …you no longer ask yourself why there are so many jeeps in this country.

37 …you can swear fluently in Arabic.

38 …your family stops asking when you’ll be coming back.

39 …you regard traffic signals, stop signs, and indicator levers with equal disdain.

40 …you slow down when passing traffic accidents, just to wince – and make sure there isn’t any blood and guts on the road.

41 …you sense somebody is trying to move their car into your lane in front of you, so you put your foot down and close that gap baby!

42 …when trying to find parking, you send your passenger to stand in a space while you turn the car around.

43 …you forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start.

44 …you arrive 30 minutes late for a meeting but still manage to beat the other meeting attendees.

45 …you ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.

46 …you are the last of your original group of friends still in Israel.

47 …your idea of a larger home is an extra 4 square meters.

48 …it’s 30 degrees outside but it’s late September, so you refuse to go to the beach.

49 …you buy a thick winter coat on October 1st.

50 …you wear your new winter coat on October 2nd, whatever the weather.

51 …you hear the word “Winter” and instinctively want a Krembo.

52 …you buy a car and leave the plastic wrapping on your new car’s seats.

53 …knives and forks feel, well, strange.

54 …you hear a “smash”, you automatically shout “Mazal Tov!”

55 …you no longer laugh at the angles of scaffolding on buildings.

56 …you wear body hugging t-shirts to show off your love handles.

57 …you know enough Hebrew to make Israelis laugh their socks off.

58 …you’ve killed at least 100 cockroaches with your favorite ‘killing’ shoe.

59 …you look at the local women/men and start fantasizing about Scandinavian women/men.

60 …you’ve seen Midnight Express, Hair and The Princess Bride at least 5 times each.

61 …you know the words to “Hotel California”.

62 …you shorten supermarket to ‘super’.

63 …you’re presented with a bowl of sunflower seeds and think “yummy”.

64 …you consult your English dictionary far more than your Hebrew dictionary.

65 …you start a blog or website or Facebook group about Israel.

66 …you get addicted to Israeli chocolate (oh my, you’re in deep…).

67 …you start your day with a cup of coffee known as “mud”.

68 …your “local” is not a pub, it’s a hummus bar.

69 …you think nothing of buying milk in bags.

70 …you can come up with 70 solid signs you’ve been here too long. Oh…

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