Loving and Lusting in Tel Aviv: place your bets!

Welcome to our series of articles on the singles scene in Tel Aviv. Life, love, and lust, all wrapped up in a Middle Eastern glow and penned by the wonderful Pixi…if you’re easily offended, look away now!

Playing Tel Aviv Roulette – Who would you go home with?

Tel Aviv dating!You have arrived at one of the city’s hottest locations. Admired for its eclectic mix of people and unique live musical performances, the Shafa Bar in Jaffa is a vibrant hub of sexiness. Because of its open and welcoming atmosphere, the Shafa draws all kinds of people from different walks of life. The fun part for you is that you simply need to choose. The difficult part is choosing the right one.

To help, I have gathered together four retrospective visions of the people I have chosen at the Shafa bar. I invite you to read their preliminary profiles before making your choice. If one grabs your fantasy, take him home. It will be interesting to see if the outcome is similar to what I experienced.

The Profiles…

The Surfer

Equipped with boyish good looks, tanned skin and the smell of sea salt, the surfer bases his image on a casual ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude. He is less likely to buy you a drink and more likely to make you laugh with his indoctrinating banter about being ‘one with the wave’ (despite the fact that there aren’t any real waves here).

Surfers in Tel Aviv fall short of true surf culture.  The laid back, chilled out vibe is often replaced by arse-like screaming matches on the beach and drunken binges in bars that are a far cry from the archetypal surf shack on the relaxed beaches of Sri Lanka and the Maldives. Ten points to this guy however for trying to seek some “peace and freedom” (using his words) in a tense environment.

The Hipster

I am still trying to find something that is NOT ridiculous about this new sub culture of annoying individuals. I see no point, nor do I see any sex appeal. But he’s here, so let’s check him out anyway.

He will most probably  offer to buy you a drink, but it needs to be Maccabi beer – not Goldstar. Why? I’m not sure, it just needs to be Maccabi. He will mock the music in the bar, he’ll mock the design and he’ll probably mock the group of people you are with. And you should definitely take his opinion into account, because someone in skinny leg jeans, loafers and thick rimmed grandpa glasses always knows best. He will suggest that the bar down the alley with no comfortable seating and horrible electronic music is better than this bar. Why? I’m not sure, it just is. Don’t try and fight the hipster – simply follow him and it will make your night much easier.

The Accountant

Finally….some interesting conversation. This guy has two degrees and is saving to buy his own apartment in Tel Aviv! He has direction, he has money, he has stability. But he also has an opinion……about everything. He is against the new ‘Telofan” bike hire scheme in Tel Aviv, he is against the government, he is against the people that are against the government. It also seems he is against himself and his own chances at getting laid tonight, because with every critique on society he is becoming less and less appealing.

The India returnee

Unless you have a preference for endless joint smoking, acid dropping, trance music and returning to religion, this one may not be the one you want to approach. Fresh off the boat from a post army drug safari in the far east, this guy may struggle to keep up with anything that relates to real life. On the upside, he will have a wardrobe jam packed with tie dye happy pants and a large collection of tiny animals in his dreadlocks so there is definitely something to work with, no?

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As for the outcome I experienced personally with each of these wonderful characters, I drew one overall conclusion. They may not fit our idea of the perfect man, but each of them stay true to the stereotypical profiles I have offered them.

If you are new here, or even if you have lived here for years, it is necessary to keep an open mind and to explore every aspect of Israeli society. Only then can you feel comfortable to take the piss out of them :-)

Feel free to add your own profiles to the list as my aim is to eventually compile an in depth evaluation  of every type – a menu for girls who head out to town with a certain type in mind.

Read more great stuff from Pixi here.

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